Move on. .

They say it benefits you to leave the people who bring you down and contribute more tears in your life than smiles; behind. But nobody talks of the people who do bring you tears and leave your heart broken for various unimportant reasons but cannot be left behind no matter how much you try. Our minds don’t always agree with what we emotionally go through and yes I bet everyone would agree that there are people in our lives whom we hate to love, who make our lives miserable, who incredibly bring us down but whatever may it be, cannot be left behind.
Even when you make up your mind to leave them, to move on and finally have peace. The peace is temporary and after few days or maybe weeks you realize your love for that person over weighs the feeling of resent. And you find yourself going back to them, or maybe occasionally they apologize.
Whichever the situation is, you find yourself living the ordeal all over again. Even though you know the drill, it hurts equally this time too. I am not sure if I’ll never understand this self-destructive human behavior.  I've gone through it many times and so have various other people I know.
I don’t know where is this going and I also don’t know if it is possible to be strong enough to actually leave those people behind and have a great life.
I know somewhere in this lies some moral, am just too ignorant to make it out right now. So I’d just hope anybody, who by change stumbles into my blog and reads this would find the message. (I am absolutely sure nobody reads my blog, so maybe nobody will.)
Anyways, maybe it’s just the fear which holds us back, and why we can’t leave them behind and just go ahead and live our lives. Fear; not of not finding another friend like them or not being happy ever without them but the fear that they would never be the same without us, they wouldn't find another person like us. And believe me no matter how mean the world gets there would always be people like those, people for whom the last thing on earth would be to make anybody’s life miserable.

.. It takes a real man to be a Dad.

There’s this thing about Dads, unlike Moms they don’t need to be told they are loved all the time, they’re mature and understand that as we grow up, things change and even though we don’t say it directly somewhere in our little anger about not getting the thing we wanted lies the understanding that there must be a reason for it.

It is specifically this character of less demand and more love; I incredibly love my dad but just fail to express it. But then there are people like me everywhere who probably can walk up to a total stranger and say a thousand words but are incapable of saying two words of love to the closest person on this planet.  But the best thing is my dad understands, he does not have to be told of my love in spoken words, he just understands. Sometimes I do wish I was more capable of portraying my affection just like him. I wish I could. With Mom things are a little different. She needs to be reminded and even though with her too I’m incapable of expressing in spoken words I always find a way, a card or some flowers does it.  It’s just that sometimes you love some people so deeply that it becomes kind of impossible to walk up to them and say it, you just want that person to feel it, like you do.

People often ask this dumb question to kids about who they love more their Mother or Father, it’s like asking a person which one he prefers his left leg or right? But I remember being asked that question, and I specifically remember it because whenever I was asked to make a hierarchal love chat, my chat would start with my Uncle followed by my grandparents and then mom and in the end my dad. I don’t know why I used to tell him I love him least, not that I meant what I said, during those days it was funny. I will never know why I used to say what I said, but growing up along his side, all these years, I’ve realized what he means to me.  Right now if somebody asks me what I regret in life I would say I regret not saying ‘I love you most, dad’ when I could’ve said it, because now it’s almost impossible, if not late.
But you know the best thing? Some days all three of us, me, mum and dad lie next to each other and laugh at some stupid joke, it’s then that  I can see and feel and am sure so do they, how much I love him and how much he loves me and mom. And given a chance I would never ever replace my dad with anyone in the world. Certain things just never change in our life span and I believe a Father-Daughter relationship is one of those things. Therefore no wonder they say, ‘A father is a daughter’s first love.’  And as we all know no one ever gets over their first love. :’)

Happy Fathers’ Day. You are loved.
Always your little princess.

Last Smile and Adieu.

Life is mysterious and to unravel the mystery for the sheer pleasure of it is what gives it meaning. Taking things and people at face value is not only shallow but also foolish, when you can get more why be content with less, in other words why judge something/somebody without untangling their mystery. Idk if this is related or not, but somehow or the other life is woven in such wonderful coincidences that every other lose thread interlinks itself to somebody or someone in such a way that it leaves us in amazement. Since this morning I badly want to write a poem with the title “Last smile and adieu”, unlike a person who told me that we write a poem first then think of the title, I get the title first and then write the poem. Well, I guess people have different ways.  Yes so I want to write but then the words have not come to me yet. The words do come automatically; it’s almost a single thread of thoughts punctuated at places. This is dedicated to two people- their make-the-heart-skip-a-beat smile and to the awareness that neither of them is within my reach because some dreams are never meant to be true.

I lie awake, silent night

Listening to the much noisy rain,

Pouring in, wiping out the memories of my pain.

But it sure left behind,Some bitter sweet pictures of the time,

Of that perfect day, now too good to be true,

When you smiled your last smile, I heard, adieu.

 Standing at a distance but there are no boundaries of the heart,

Time stopped, people went away Now what can keep us apart?

Soaking in your lingering eyes I managed to take my cue,

And I turned around and saw your last smile and thought, adieu.

 Wide eyed, wide awake still listening to the rain

Could he see this unspeakable pleasure is driving me insane?

And then I drifted back to sleep and dreamt of you,

Of your last teasing smile, meaning adieu.

 Unsolved complexities, imagining possibilities, today I recall your smile,

Reconstructing something which has been lost, after a long while.

Trying to think of another meaning, asking if I’m as indecisive as you

I sink back to your almost-a-laugh-smile and the mystery behind adieu. 

I wonder if you still wait, remember the smile which I reciprocate,

Re-live the story of us, in another way

And think in the end, you should’ve had your say.

If that, then I must tell you this,

A smile is preferred to word amiss.

Our ruin to my heart when I did sew

,I watch the grey sky turn blue

And It’d forever remind me of our Last smile and adieu. 

Burning for a change.

When it became unbearable
and sleep became a distant dream
i felt the fire rising
like a long awaited scream.
It said it needed to travel
and find a pedestal, across space and time
I said its burning me down to ashes
replied, burning for a change is never a crime.
So to let the chauvinist majority burn
I led the fire through the vent hole
not even halfway through, got crushed under the masses
and with a shriek scream out went my soul.

We’re all afraid of rejection.

We don’t ask certain things to people although we’re dying to get an answer. We don’t voice our opinion or act like we want to at times, all because of a simple fear and nobody can deny this, even though, we might not accept this publicly but we know that we’re all afraid of rejection.

We’re afraid that someone doesn't feel the way we do, that someone might say no to us, someone might deny us our right or something that we want. We think too much about what others think, say, do and infer. We think too much about getting denied, we think too much before saying or doing something.  It is strange how we preconceive an opinion, an answer even before knowing what’s going to happen. The truth is we miss out on a lot of stuff only because of this particular fear. Sometimes we lose a life changing opportunity and other times we lose the most important person in our lives. All because of some fear we can’t overcome? Is it worth it? Does it make sense to hold back just few words just because you’re afraid of being rejected or is it okay to act or not act in a certain way because you think a handful of people won’t approve of it. I might be a no body to pass my judgment but all I've learnt through my experiences is that no, this fear is not worth holding back our feeling, our opinions and questions.  I might not always practice what I say but we’ll all agree that if we eliminate this fear of rejection from our lives we can achieve a lot of things. Sometimes it might work otherwise and result in losing something or someone, but then you did gain something too, you overcame your fear of being rejected and told life in its face, “Bring it on, buddy.”

Find something good in everything.

There are good and bad times, but our mood changes more often than our fortune.
Thomas Carlyle

A coin has two sides, and so does everything else. there's always a good part in bad, a happy in sad. Maybe its hard to look for a better side when we're feeling helpless and lost but once we have found it we get a reason to come out of our gloom and live a better life ..  We limit ourselves when we see and focus on only things that are bad. There is always something good out of anything, and we tend to look past something .. There is always a light inside everyone of us and so is the power to overcome the darkness and move towards the light..

There has to be another side of the story, a way out of the mess, an unopened door. It was always there and it will be. Find it, Find that better side of this beautiful mess called life.

The best quote by Mother Teressa